Reaching new people, revealing new things to us, calling us to use our gifts in new ways, being active in our seemingly mundane lives..God's always doing something, right? I really do believe this whole-heatedly. However, at this point in my life I'm still trying to learn how jump in and be a part of the new things that God is doing. Where do we look for these opportunities, who do we talk to, and most of all, how do we discern any of this?
That last one is the question I was asked on the Easter morning by one of the elders of my church. I've had multiple conversations with this person in particular about where I'm feeling called and how my calling has changed along the way. At different times she has offered helpful questions, great advice, or some much needed reassurance to me as I've traveled along my journey. Because she has been with me throughout my journey, I was a little surprised by her question about how I come to an understanding of where God is calling me; I just wasn't expecting such a question from her.
However, the more I thought about her question, the more I realized that we are all curious about the answer to that question. How is it that people make decisions that sometimes seem completely irrational, but do so with absolute confidence because they feel God calling them in that direction? The short answer to this question is I don't really know how it works for other people and I'm not completely sure how it works for me. While I don't think my journey hasn't been all that crazy, some of my recent questions and decisions really don't make sense to some of the people I've talked to. And to be honest, I'm still not exactly sure how I continue to be at peace with choosing not to follow the traditional path of pastoral ministry. I obviously feel called to something different, but that doesn't explain why I'm not feeling stressed out or nervous about not having something lined up after graduation. Fortunately I don't have a bunch or debt from college or a family to support, but I do still have to think about how I'm going to my bills.
In attempt to answer this lady's question as best I can, I continue to come to an understanding of God's call on my life through prayer, discernment, and conversation. I talk to the people whom I love, trust, and respect. I share my thoughts, ideas, frustrations, and questions with them. I pay attention to what their reactions are: encouraging, critical, confused, dismissive, etc. Regardless of what their immediate response is, I continue to think about their responses, but pay particular attention to their questions and criticism as I continue to pray for understanding. Ultimately, if I'm able to reach a place where I understand the questions they're asking, but still feel God's peace in the midst of anxiety, I believe I've reached a place of discernment.
I'm convinced that sometimes you just can't not do something. I've come to realize that sometimes, even if your decision might not make rational sense or you don't have all--or even most--of the answers to these people's questions, the cost of not following your heart is just too great. What about the rest of you--how do you interpret how/where God is calling you?
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." -Proverbs 3:5-8
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