Put on your shoes...

I heard a sermon today that really spoke to something I've been thinking about lately.  The sermon was based on Acts 12: James had just been killed by Herod, and Peter is imprisoned and being watched by 16 guards.  Needless to say, Peter appears to be in an impossible situation.

Now I'd just be lying if I suggested that I can really relate to Peter's actual experience, but I do think that we each know a little something about what it is to be imprisoned to something.  Peter was imprisoned by Herod, but there are times in each of our lives where we catch ourselves in situations that we continue to do things time after time that are not good for us or for our relationship with God--we are imprisoned by a particular sin or by our circumstances.  If you're anything like me, you convince yourself that things are beyond your control and you just get apathetic about the whole situation--we say the situation is just too difficult or God just hasn't given us the strength we need.  When we've reached this point, we have lost all hope that we can escape our prison.

In this story, Peter's place of helplessness comes from being chained and surrounded by 16 soldiers--there's no way he could get out.  While there are a variety of ways God could have chosen to deliver Peter out of his situation, he did so in a very specific way.  Rather than blinding the guards or causing an earthquake, God sent Peter an angel to help get him out of his situation.  The angel wakes Peter up in the middle of the night and his first instructions are "Get dressed and follow me."  This is the point in the sermon that really pushed me.

I'm convinced that not having all the strength you need to avoid a sin or circumstances does not mean you have no responsibility.  If Peter had not followed the instructions of the angel, or even hesitated in putting on his shoes, it's quite possible he would have missed the opportunity to escape his prison.  Assuming God does desire to help us escape our prisons as well, I can't help but wonder what putting on my sandals might look like.

""Then the angel said to him, “Put on your clothes and sandals.” And Peter did so. “Wrap your cloak around you and follow me,” the angel told him. Peter followed him out of the prison, but he had no idea that what the angel was doing was really happening; he thought he was seeing a vision. They passed the first and second guards and came to the iron gate leading to the city. It opened for them by itself, and they went through it. When they had walked the length of one street, suddenly the angel left him.” -Acts 12:8-10

Testimony

I was fortunate enough last night to spend some time with two friends who are in seminary with me.  We've been getting together every so often over the last couple months just to catch up with each other.  Times like these are so important for me because they give me the chance to stop thinking about my own life and hear stories about what is happening/has happened in the lives of others.


One piece of our conversation that I continue to think about is when we talked about the power of testimony.  I'm sure that most of us, at one point in our lives, have been to a church or some other kind of ministry and heard the testimony of someone whose life has been radically changed by God.  This person may have been a drug addict, possibly a member of a gang, or any other number of things, but regardless of the specific details, they went from a place of not knowing or caring about God to a place of absolute dependence on God.  It really can only be described as some kind of divine revelation: similar to Paul, God encountered them in a special way and their lives were immediately turned around.


I've heard these stories a number of times and am amazed every time.  I'm amazed that God loves us so much that he meets us wherever we are and I'm reminded that entering into a relationship with God really does turn people's lives upside down.  Simply put, it's amazing.


After hearing these testimonies, I always look back over my own life and remind myself that I've never spent time in jail, haven't stolen cars or robbed convenient stores, and I haven't even tried drugs.  Simply put, I've thought my testimony is boring.  That is, until now.


Last night my friend shared a conversation he's had with someone (we'll call him John) who has the kind of wild testimony I've described.  In this conversation, John explained that the power of testimonies like mine is in the realization that God's faithfulness has been present and evident in my life since I was a child.  What I see as boring, John sees as a blessing.  John said he would love to erase those rough years from his life and from his memory.  He wishes that he did not have to remember the bad things he has done and the hurt he has caused.


As I think about that comment, isn't that what we all wish?  While I may not have stolen money from my parents and been ripped off in a drug deal, I have caused some serious pain to some real friends because of my own selfishness.  I have done things I wish I could erase from my memory because every time I'm reminded of it, I'm taken back to it.  There have been days in my life when I didn't even want to get out of bed because I felt like I was completely alone.  While the memories that John and I might share are very different, I do think we're still telling a very similar story:


There have been times in my life when I desperately needed God but was running in every direction except towards him.  I was searching for something that would provide me with hope, but I was looking to the world instead of to God.  But then, God found me.  It may have been through a friend, a mentor, a dream, a vision, or in jail, but God found me, and I now have hope.  That is our testimony.


"Because he lives, I can face tomorrow
Because he lives, all fear is gone
Because I know he holds the future 
And life is worth the living Just because he lives"

The practice of discernment

Reaching new people, revealing new things to us, calling us to use our gifts in new ways, being active in our seemingly mundane lives..God's always doing something, right?  I really do believe this whole-heatedly.  However, at this point in my life I'm still trying to learn how jump in and be a part of the new things that God is doing.  Where do we look for these opportunities, who do we talk to, and most of all, how do we discern any of this?

That last one is the question I was asked on the Easter morning by one of the elders of my church.  I've had multiple conversations with this person in particular about where I'm feeling called and how my calling has changed along the way.  At different times she has offered helpful questions, great advice, or some much needed reassurance to me as I've traveled along my journey.  Because she has been with me throughout my journey, I was a little surprised by her question about how I come to an understanding of where God is calling me; I just wasn't expecting such a question from her.

However, the more I thought about her question, the more I realized that we are all curious about the answer to that question.  How is it that people make decisions that sometimes seem completely irrational, but do so with absolute confidence because they feel God calling them in that direction?  The short answer to this question is I don't really know how it works for other people and I'm not completely sure how it works for me.  While I don't think my journey hasn't been all that crazy, some of my recent questions and decisions really don't make sense to some of the people I've talked to.  And to be honest, I'm still not exactly sure how I continue to be at peace with choosing not to follow the traditional path of pastoral ministry.  I obviously feel called to something different, but that doesn't explain why I'm not feeling stressed out or nervous about not having something lined up after graduation.  Fortunately I don't have a bunch or debt from college or a family to support, but I do still have to think about how I'm going to my bills.

In attempt to answer this lady's question as best I can, I continue to come to an understanding of God's call on my life through prayer, discernment, and conversation.  I talk to the people whom I love, trust, and respect.  I share my thoughts, ideas, frustrations, and questions with them.  I pay attention to what their reactions are: encouraging, critical, confused, dismissive, etc.  Regardless of what their immediate response is, I continue to think about their responses, but pay particular attention to their questions and criticism as I continue to pray for understanding.  Ultimately, if I'm able to reach a place where I understand the questions they're asking, but still feel God's peace in the midst of anxiety, I believe I've reached a place of discernment.

I'm convinced that sometimes you just can't not do something.  I've come to realize that sometimes, even if your decision might not make rational sense or you don't have all--or even most--of the answers to these people's questions, the cost of not following your heart is just too great.  What about the rest of you--how do you interpret how/where God is calling you?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.  This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."  -Proverbs 3:5-8