Conversation

So this last week I was given the opportunity to take part in conversation about what is happening in my life with a number of people who I deeply respect and love. In entering in these conversations, I knew their desire to talk with me about my recent decision has come out of their care and concern for me and my future. I think that's the reason why I was so--and continue to be--affected by their doubts/concerns. When someone who you deeply care for displays a deep concern about a decision you've made, it puts you in a weird place.

In my own situation, I've decided to put my ordination on hold for at least a year, possibly indefinitely. As you're aware of, the two things that have led to this decision are my uncertainty about denominations being a faithful interpretation of God's call on the church and my inability to construct a theology of ordination (versus commissioning/installation, which I'm completely in support of). While I do not doubt whether I'm following God's call on my life to suspend my work towards ordination, the deep concern some people have about my decision to postpone ordination does make me question how they can be so concerned when I feel at peace. The fact that the only thing they have to be concerned about in this whole thing is me, suggests to me that maybe they're seeing something in this whole thing that I'm just overlooking.

Have I thought about how this decision (if it is a permanent thing as opposed to a temporary thing) will impact me in the long run? Yes, I have. Choosing not to be ordained means I will not have the ability to look within a denomination for a job. It means that while a serving in a denomination will guarantee health insurance, benefits, and pension, choosing not to be ordained means I will have to figure all of these things out as I go.

I do feel like I need to clarify one thing to each of you, particularly if you are in the process of ordination or are serving a denominational church somewhere. These are questions I have for me in my life as I seek to discern God's call on my life. I do think you should consider these questions, but I don't expect you to come to the same answers that I have. As such, I don't think a calling to serve in a denomination as an ordained minister is an illegitimate calling; I'm just not sure that's what God's calling on my life is. I think some of these posts may have come across condemning to some of you, but that was not my intent at all, so I apologize if you have felt that way.

That being said, for those of you who do have questions for me or who disagree with what I'm doing, please take the time to talk with me about it--I'm completely open to that. I really do want to hear what you have to say and maybe it will help bring clarity to me as I continue to work through this. I'm very grateful to all of you who continue to pray for me.

"Join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace." -2 Tim 1:8-9